Toys!

Yesterday it was slow, so we went outside and tossed the football around. We get in the mood to toss around the pigskin every fall. I have a drawer in my desk dedicated to toys. In it are many superballs of various sizes, the football, a magic kit, a remote controlled car, a toy Hummer, a couple MatchBox cars, and an Etch-A-Sketch. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Month to Month

In the car business, the only time period that matters is between the first and last day of the month. Not the day, week, season, year, or career.

Sales goals, store goals, Dollar goals, unit goals, etc., are all set for the month. At the end of the month, everything needs to be totalled and turned into the office. There they crunch the numbers and eventually issue the statement for the month. Then the monthly paychecks can be issued. Then you analyze everything to try to decipher what happened, and why. You compare to previous months and years. By the time you've figured out what happened last month, it's the 15th of the current month, and you haven't focused a bit on making sure it's going properly.

Sales managers across the country are saying, "OMG! It's already the 15th, and we only have 10 cars out? What are we going to do? Let's have a sale! If anyone has anything working, let me know, I'm ready to deal! We've got to get something going this month!" It's hilarious.

So what does this mean to you, the consumer? I'll share a trade secret with you:

By far, the best day of the month to purchase a car is the last day.

Chances are, your salesperson is one unit away from a bonus. Or the store is one unit away from their goal. Or they're only a couple units shy of breaking the record. But whatever the case is, they are far more excited about selling a car on the last day of the month than the first, which means you could get a much better deal.

In fact, with new cars, the manufacturer will set a unit goal for the dealer. They might call up on the first, and say, "Your goal is 15 trucks and vans." So what happens if they meet the goal? The manufacturer will retroactively pay the dealer extra money for each unit. Let's say it's 750 Dollars this particular month. Say the dealer has 14 trucks and vans out, and here you come looking at a van. If you buy it, the store will get 11250 Dollars. Do you think they'll cut you a deal? You bet! They'd be stupid to not lose 4 thousand Dollars on your deal to pocket 11250 Dollars, right? But that's a best-case-scenario, luck-of-the-draw type situation. But one thing is for certain, it can NEVER happen on the first of the month.

Happy shopping!

I Am Optimistic About Humanity in General

Why, you ask? Because working at a car lot, I have access to a simple exercise to demonstrate the good in people: turn on a blinker.

You see, with so many cars out there on the pavement, chances are one or two of them have a dead battery because someone has left the key on, or the dome light, or whatever. What's the easiest way to charge a battery? Leave the vehicle run. And how do you remind yourself to not let it run all day or until it runs out of gas? Turn on the blinker.

Now for the amazing part. A guy pulls in, parks, gets out of the car, walks into the building, and says, "Hey just wanted to let you know you have a car out there with the turn signal on." Then the phone rings, "Yes, I just drove by your lot, and just wanted to let you know that you have a van out there with the turn signal on."

Happens every time! It's amazing to me. I can't imagine why people feel the need to tell us, but they seem completely willing to go totally out of their way to help us out by letting us know.

I can only come to one conclusion: there is hope for humanity after all!

Dealers Get Ripped Off By Customers

I'll bet you never gave a moment of thought to dealers getting taken by customers. They do. Not only do ordinary folks see fit to lie and cheat in an attempt to get a better deal, but criminals often target dealerships as well.

A few years ago a young man came in to look at our 98 Tahoe. The Tahoe was a hot vehicle then, especially this one with its 20" chrome wheels. He wanted to trade his 02 Cadillac Seville, which he just purchased only a couple weeks ago from our rivals down the road. That is an incredibly bad idea, and he was losing like 3 grand, but people do stupid things, and it's hardly our place to be financial counselors for people that just want to buy stuff from us.

I forget the exact numbers, but let's say the Caddy was worth $15,000, and the total of the Tahoe came to $11,000. So we owed him 4 grand. Now if someone gave us a check for more than we needed, we wouldn't give them a check back for the difference until it cleared. But in this case, even though it seemed suspicious, he had a free and clear title with no lien. So we gave him his check, and off he goes.

Two days later, we get a call from our competitor down the street. His check he wrote to them for the Cadillac bounced. Apparently, they were stupid enough to run the title and give it to him without waiting to see if the check cleared. We would have waited, they didn't, and now WE have a stolen car in our posession because of it.

Well long story short, after working with the detectives, eventually we got the Tahoe back. He spent the 4 grand on a stereo for it (that we took out and gave away, so the truck wouldn't get broken into so his buddies could steal it). The Caddy went back to the other dealer. But what of the 4 grand check? It was spent, no getting it back. So we split the loss with the other dealer.

Stuff like that happens all the time.

Dang Kittah!

So a customer asked us if that was our dumpster out back, which it was. He then informed me that there were two kittens in it. So we went out to investigate together, and sure enough there were two tiny kittens, one grey and one black. They were laying together quite calmly, looking totally pathetic. We figured that they wouldn't make it much longer judging by their appearance and demeanor.

The edges were far too high for them to get out on their own. I seriously doubt that they got in there by themselves either, most likely someone dumped them there.

Several thoughts went through my mind. If I rescued them, what would I do with them? Nurse them back to health? What if they died, or needed to be put down? Arrgh, what a mess! But in the end, I decided that there was no way I could just leave them there to die a miserable death of heat and dehydration (had to be like a thousand degrees in that dumpster!).

So we gathered up a suitable box for them, and into the dumpster I go. As soon as I landed, they sprang to life. They ran to opposite corners, one actually finding it's way into a bag of refuse. "Well, I think they're going to be OK!", I immediately commented. Seems we had misjudged their condition, they were actually quite frisky.

I grabbed the bag containing the grey kitten and managed to wrangle it out. As soon as I grabbed a hold of it, I realized I was making a mistake. It fought and kicked and clawed, and eventually sunk it's teeth deep inside my left index finger. I shouted a curse word as I clutched it with my other hand, and wrestled it into the box that Groucho was holding with lid ready. It immediately escaped and ran off.

With my finger now bleeding profusely, the customer comes over with two baseball gloves that he had in his car to handle the next one. We decided that my bloody finger inside his kid's ball gloves was a bad idea, so into the dumpster he goes. With the aid of the extra layers of leather, the removal of the second kitty went quite well, and off it ran.

There was some discussion and we decided that a bite from a wild kitty that lives in a dumpster could be a bad thing, so I went to the urgent care center to open a workman's comp claim. I got a tetnis shot, and a script for antibiotics just in case it gets infected. Then I got to go to the hospital for a breathalyzer and drug screen, company policy following an accident.

Three hours later, and I'm back to work.

The Great Milk Caper

A little over a week ago I opened the refridgerator and determined it could use cleaned out. I opened the bottom drawer and saw what looked to be old food- an open can of beans, a fast food sandwich wrapper, and other bits and pieces of what might have been edible in days long past.

"I'm throwing away everything in this drawer," I said as I headed toward the trash can with the drawer in hand. Groucho, my 62 year old lifetime salesman, began showing agitation, and insisted that everything in that drawer was good and fresh from that same day. I gave it to him to sort through. Despite his claims that it was all good, he threw about half of it away, and complained that if we only had some aluminum foil, he could make the rest "look better". He was noticeably upset, and there was much pouting for the rest of the day. I explained that I don't mind him keeping food in there, I just really thought that all the stuff in that drawer was trash.

This morning, Groucho pours himself a bowl of cereal, and opens the fridge to grab his milk. "Someone threw my milk away!" There was moaning and mumbling under his breath as he continued to shuffle through the contents searching for his milk. "Did you throw away my milk?!" he asked me directly. I told him I didn't.

He stormed out the door and across the street to buy more. While he was gone The Whiz looks in there and finds the milk in the door compartment. Someone had merely moved it to make room for a fresh case of water.

When Groucho got back, The Whiz pointed it out to him, and a good laugh was had.

It's just like having roommates.

The Case For Used Car Dealerships

We all know that hasseling with dealerships sucks. Why even bother? There's Ebay, and a multitude of other sources to buy directly from the current owner, at sometimes a significant discount, right?

Well, the traditional benefit of a used car dealership was to be able to see a bunch of cars in one place, without having to search the newspaper and drive all over BFE to pick one out. Now with the ability to see 1000s of cars across the country in seconds, that seems like a moot point. Or is it? Take it from a guy who buys a lot of cars online from banks and auctions, nothing replaces seeing a car in person. Some describe the cars accurately, others not-so-much. Individual owners seem to be the most likely to embelish the truth. I've heard plenty of horror stories from folks who bought a car online, and when they drove 4 states away to get it, found lots of surprises awaiting them.

Also, a good dealer should recondition the vehicle. This means inspecting the vehicle and performing necessary services and repairs, replace brake linings if necessary, make sure tires are good, touch up the scratches, shampoo the carpets, etc, etc. And don't forget providing a short warranty. You will not get this treatment from an individual seller. I trade a ton of cars in, and they all need work. Every. Single. One. Think about it, before you got rid of your last car I'll bet you were 2000 miles overdue on an oil change, never fixed that busted power window because it didn't seem necessary, had no idea how much brake life was left, and the thing rolled out of your driveway with the tank on bone E, right? Simple fact, people don't properly maintain a car that they no longer want to own. And if something goes wrong, you're SOL pal. An individual seller has no reputation to worry about, he sells one car every five years. For a dealer, they want their customers to be happy so that they stay in business.

Don't forget that buying a car should be fun, and you should buy from someone that you like who will make the experience an enjoyable one for you. And hey if you like the person, don't you want it to be enjoyable and profitable for them as well? You should.

Pen Ball

My very writing of this topic without collaborating with one of the other founding members will be highly controversial. This is serious business.

Pen Ball is a game we invented by accident. It started with a couple of the guys tossing a rubber ball back and forth across the showroom. Nothing strange there, we toss footballs and such around frequently. But they found a certain amount of perfection in being able to remain seated at their desks, and toss what would become the regulation 2" Superball to eachother by bouncing it once on the tile floor.

It started as a dare. "I bet you can't hit this pen if I lay it here." And a game greater than BASEketball could ever hope to be was instantly born.

In front of each opponent is a 4x4 section of colored tile. A pen lays in the center. But not any random pen, it must be a regulation Eagle Warranty pen. The object is simple- hit the pen in front of your opponent with the ball. The detailed rules would come over the next few days with much brainstorming, debate, and voting. We could easily fill the inside of a Monopoly box-top with our strict rules.

-You must remain behind your 4x4 square, and both players must be seated when throwing.

-You must knock the pen completely out of the grout line to score a point, simply hitting it or even causing it to move is not enough.

-If you hit anything other than the floor (such as a desk, or the ceiling) first with the ball, that is a foul and you will lose 3 turns as a penalty.

-When a point is scored, the opposition is given one "retaliation shot". If the retaliation shot results in a score, the two points cancel each other out.

-If a point is scored in the first 3 volleys of a set, there will be no retaliation shot.

-During a retaliation shot, your opponent is permitted to stand and taunt you.

-If a wild ball is not immediately recovered by the defensive player, the offensive player may challenge, and recover it themselves (violently if necessary), resulting in loss of turn for the defense.

-Players switch sides after a point is scored.

-First player to 3 points wins.

After the rules were made official, we decided to name our new creation Pen Ball. "Pennis", like a combination of "Pen" and "Tennis", was voted down due to it's resemblence to the name of a certain body part.

And so began the greatest passtime in used car history. Many great battles are fought over that Pen Ball court to this day. We've had many the controversy, including the asterisking of one player's entire record after a random drug test confirmed the use of performance enhancing drugs. That also got him fired, but that was of course secondary to the effect it had on the game.

Setting the Stage

Our store is a branch store of a much larger new car dealership. The main store is the largest in the area. Our branch is the budget car outlet. We take trades from the main store and retail them, as opposed to shipping them to the auction. We also do some outside buying.

Our owner is an awesome man. He is a Christian first, and everything else second. His main goal is to spread the word of Christ. His second goal is to sell more cars than anyone else, third would be for his employees to be able to provide for their families, and last would be profit. No shit! He has as good a reputation as you can have in this business. He gives to charities, donates cars to the needy, and takes care of his customers better than anyone else.

We built our store new. Paid a huge chunk for the perfect corner, took down the building that was there, put up a new one, installed enough lot lights to light up New York City, black-topped it, and off we go. All in all, almost a Million invested in the site. But don't get any delusions of it being a fancy place, it's not. It's a finished pole-barn in a great spot with a huge mortgage.

We stock anywhere from 60-90 cars at any given time. We average 50-60 sales per month, and really need over 40 to just break even.

So that's the stage for our little reality show.

And so it begins.....

Another dork with another dorky blog. Why bother reading?

Well, what I hope to do is entertain you with the everyday goings on of a used car store in small town America. This business is shrouded in a veil of mystery to most people. You may see it as glamorous, or sleazy, but chances are you really have no idea what goes on in the back office. I will allow you inside. I promise you will be surprised by what you learn.

If you spend one day on the used car sales floor, you will quickly learn that it's a business characterized by it's down time. There's A LOT of down time. If you can't find a way to have fun and entertain yourself for hours on end when there's nothing to do, you won't last. That's where the comedy comes in. We have a lot of fun. Too much fun really.

The next thing you'll be surprised by is how honest we are, and how crooked the customers can be. It's ok, it's just part of the business. They think there's no bigger crook than a used car salesmen, so nothing is off the table when dealing with one. You've probably been less than truthful when buying a car yourself- it's ok. Just know that we know.

Anyway- "Welcome to Used Car Wonderland, my name is UsedCarGuy, and yours? Have you ever been to our blog before? Was there a particular salesperson you dealt with? No? Great! Let me show you around."